Willemstad, Curacao

So needless to say I got up early. Did the normal routine but this time I took my book to the pooldeck to reserve my lounge chair even before I go to the gym. Work out. Breakfast. Just a small note here. I think the food is good in general. With two exceptions. The eggs are always runny. Get an omlette instead. And the breakfast sweets are awful. They’ve made all of these really delicious looking pastries, but they all kind of suck. They just aren’t really that sweet or they taste weird. So definitely not worth the calories. I keep trying them in case there is one that is decent. So I take a bite. I grimace. And then I put it down and walk away. How’s that for some freakish dietary discipline? Anyhoo . . .

After showering and cleaning up, I head back to the pool deck. And my lounge chair is gone! And now I don’t really care, but I’ve got like 30 pages left in my book and I want to finish it. I walk around and finally spot my chair and book. I just grab my book and walk away. I don’t need any drama thank you. So I pull up another chair and I complete my book. That’s one down. Two to go. So I pull out my second book and a guy a met while we were waiting in line to board the ship comes up to chat with me. He was all bitchy about the ship not leaving on time and staying in Fort Lauderdale for Kimberly Locke. “Some American Idol runner up.” Really, you’re bitter about that? By a 5 hour delay? Well, first of all he says that he saw her and admitted she rocked the house. So there. But then he proceeds to tell me this awful story of how his partner of 4 years apparently decided to end their relationship about 3 weeks ago. And they are both on the cruise. In the same stateroom. And he’s trying to work it out, but his partner just thinks they are friends now. Yikes. It was like a little soap opera taking place in front of me. And while I do feel bad for the guy, I’m also like: Look, I was really happy just sitting here reading my book. Agh! But I did make a dent on the new book after a bit.

Around 1PM we pulled into Curacao and I’ve opted for the Beauties of Curacao tour. It’s supposed to be a tour of the island to see some of the country side and it “implies” that we’re hiking because it says you need comfortable walking shoes (no flip flops) and be able to walk over varying terrain. But no, we spent most of the time on the bus exploring the western & northern part of the island. I try to slip into my tour bus narcolepsy, but the woman’s voice is loud and a bit irritating. I doze, but then I keep hearing her say “young cock.” And the first time I think, wow, I’ve never actually had a dream on a tour bus. But then I hear her say “young cock” again and the two guys in front of me are snickering. So I know I’m dreaming this. Well the third time she says “young cock” I’m trying to figure out what the hell she’s talking about since I’ve missed most of her shpiel. And then I see the sign. “Jung Kok.” It’s dutch, and obviously pronounced “Young Cock.” It’s a salt flat named for one of the original settlers. And out on the salt flat you can see some flamingoes. Too far away for picture, but still kind of cool. After a brief stop at an artist’s gallery, we head to the north shore. And I’m trying to stay awake and I will say that I think Curacao is very pretty. And I think they are lucky to be under Dutch rule. They still have some poverty issues, but overall I think the island is much better than Dominican Republic or Haiti!

We reach the north shore and stop to see the surf crashing into the rocky shore. Very cool and just oddly similar to some of the shore line I’ve seen in Ireland. The sun is out, the wind is blowing, and it feels good to be out in the countryside exploring. After a quick soda break, it’s back on the bus and we’re heading to one of the public beaches on the western shore, near West Point. It’s nice, but I didn’t think swimming was an option on the tour so I didn’t bring a swim suit which is a bummer. The drive back into town takes forever and the four of us in the back of the bus are being bitchy about being trapped on the bus for this long. We return to the ship just as a heavy storm cloud proceeds to spit rain. So I huddled quickly onto the ship. But the town looked so cute and I wanted to go shopping, so after I *thought* the rain had stopped, I headed out. And I get right to the bridge that takes you over into the downtown area (cute, cute, cute), and it starts to rain. Now at this point it’s clear that all of the stores are closed so I’m like, never mind. Back to the ship, a quick dinner, and then I needed a disco nap badly if I was going to make it to the night’s party.

I wake up just before 11PM, get cleaned up and head topside to see the fireworks. The local gay community in Curacao hosted a tea dance this evening and then they were going to have fireworks for us as we left the harbor. And no I didn’t go to the tea dance. I think the men there would be more to Museum Man’s taste than mine. And I’ve got a man. So I slept. The fireworks are good and I’m slowing sipping my vodka and 5 hour energy shot. Now the good thing is that the 5 hour energy shot really worked. I was not tired at all during the dance. The bad thing is that I took it at 11PM. Do the math. Right. So at 3AM when I decided that I really needed to go to sleep, not so much. But in the mean time, it was time to get my groove on!


So the 90’s Diva party is one of my favorites! So much good diva music in the 90s. Madge, Whitney, Mariah, etc. One of my favorite Annie Lennox’s dance remixes came on, “And it feels like you’re 17 again!” Love that. Had the best time. I did stop to get a beverage and ran into the ship’s security officer. I had seen him before and he is HOT, HOT, HOT! Umm, you can take me to the brig anytime you want. Needless to say if he ever went to the 14^th deck forward, he would be *very* popular. But it’s not like there was a shortage of hot, hot, men out that night.


Around 230AM, we ran into a small rain squall. And while maybe half of the crowd disperses for cover, the rest of us stay as Cher is blaring from the speaker: “Cause we’re Strong Enough! . . . . “ And we’re loving it. The cool rain is washing the sweat off of the hard muscled bodies on the dance floor, cooling us off as we continued to burn across the pool deck. Just amazing. The squall passed and then the dance floor becomes packed again. I’m not sure what time the party ended. I quit at 3AM and *tried* to go to sleep. With some success, but tomorrow is the White Party and I need to be ready for that!

Casa de Campo, Dominican Republic

Put the pizza down. Step away from the buffet. And no one will be hurt.

Seriously.

I must stop having a late night snack because I’m having the most messed up, trippy, dreams. My favorite is where I’m street luge-ing (yes me, street luge-ing) down the streets of Paris (of course) when I discover a school full of perfect little children. They are clones being grown so their organs can be harvested. So it’s like a mix of X-games and X Files. All to a kickin dance track that is probably echoing in my subconscious from the party I left the night before. On the other hand, if the dreams are this good, maybe that piece of pepperoni isn’t such a bad thing. ;-)

It’s another early get up for me. Try 730AM. And I hit the gym again. My routine on these cruises become fairly routine. ;-) Breakfast, shower, change, and then I did some work in my room as we pulled into Casa de Campo.

Hmm, not sure what to say. It’s a gigantic pier that they’ve built to attract the cruise ships, but I think the main tourism draw is the golfing. Apparently there are tons of beach/golf resorts around here. And instead of doing the beach or snorkel thing, I’m thinking, this is my first time in the Dominican Republic (and damn it I don’t get a passport stamp for it!) so maybe I should do something cultural. See the country a bit.

So I sign up for a tour to a nearby town called Higuey which is famous for its basilica. So I’m like, I’m in. Now the downer is that they ask everyone to cover their knees and shoulders. So no shorts and tank tops. And I only brought one pair of pants, my jeans. So that’s what I’m wearing. But apparently they didn’t tell everyone that and most of the guys (I think 20 of us) are wearing shorts and T-shirts. And no it didn’t make a difference. What they didn’t tell us, and which was a serious downer is that Higuey is like a 45 minute drive. In a hot, crowded bus. Not fun. But with my tour bus narcolepsy, I was zoned for most of it. Which is hard to believe considering Clemente (our tour guide) was talking VERY LOUDLY! I did remember passing through fields and fields of sugar cane and also some sad little villages where all of the roofs were made of corrugated tin. Kind of sad really. We get to Higuey and it’s a dusty little town that could be anywhere in the Caribbean. Pretty non-descript. Which makes it funny when you see the monstrosity that is the Basilica that the town is famous for.

It’s huge, it’s ugly, and it’s made entirely of cement. Apparently some French architect designed this in a competition that he “won.” Ugh. We stop for some photos and to check out the basilica. It’s the middle of the day and there are a few people there. In the altar area there is a famous painting of “Our Lady of High Grace” that is very famous and revered by the local population. Apparently after it was painted it was sent to Rome to be blessed by the Pope. And there is a little walkway for you to go up and see it closely. We all get in line and I notice that people are putting their hands up to touch the glass frame around the painting like they are praying to it which I find weird. It seems kind of like idolatry to my. But one of the recovering Catholics in my group explains that saints are intercessors who people pray to so that the saint will intercede on their behalf with God. And I think I’ve heard that before.

Afterwards, we go to the old church which is actually quite beautiful, if a lot smaller. As we walk around, there is a group of church women who are praying and it takes me a minute to figure out that they are doing Stations of the Cross. Very cool. Of course it’s all in Spanish, so I don’t recognize any of it. But I can figure out some of the little station paintings and what they say. The old church is very damaged and I guess they are trying to restore it. It was so pretty, but definitely in some need of help.

After Higuey, we head to the small fishing village of Bayahibe. Which it seems its only claim to fame is that is where the tourists come to catch a boat to go to Saona Island which is a natural park and supposed to be very pretty. I’m not sure why we went there. We weren’t going to Saona Island and there wasn’t anything to do there. I did walk around to take some photos. Is this not a great picture of me. Love it. It’s my Diesel picture. Diesel Jeans. Diesel Shirt. And if the clothese make me look like that, then they are worth every penny. Anyways, I wandered a bit until I started to get hassled by a child begging and that’s when I was like, I’m over this place. Time to get back to the boat.


Today’s T-dance is the Classic Disco tea dance and it’s a very popular. But it’s definitely not my favorite. The music is only so-so and the fashions are horrible. And yet gay men still find a way to turn hideous fashion into something that looks sexy. I did have a good time even if I didn’t know hardly any of the music. Half the fun of these dances are to look at the outrageous costumes and to take a few pics of hot men. So voila!

After the dance, I grabbed something to eat and then prepared for the night’s entertainment. But I started to feel a little bit sick and I think the sun and maybe the alcohol was a bit too much as I ended up missing Ms. Richfield 1981 (love her!) and went to bed. I wanted to stay up for the Brazil party, but I was just a goner.

Labadee, Haiti

So I love that the first time I came to Labadee that they didn’t call it Haiti. Either is was just Labadee, or it was Labadee Hispaniola (which is the name for the whole island). I guess it’s now okay to say Haiti again. But I decided against going ashore in Labadee. It’s a perfectly nice island, but since I wasn’t going to get a massage there, that meant that all I’m going to do is lay on the beach and tan. And I can do that from the ship.

Before the long day of tanning though, I needed to hit the gym. So it’s like 8AM and I’m heading to the gym. And there are people in the hot tub already. Scratch that. In the hot tub still. From last night! Wow, talk about party people. I’m too old for that. Anyways, I make my way to the gym and could it be more packed? I did manage to get 30 minutes of cardio in and a little bit of weights. It was hard to focus with all of the gym gods surrounding me. The gym gods attires always kill me. Some are in the high tech athletic gear with breathable mesh, and some are in the kind of urban, street attire. But I do love the T-Shirts: “I Like White Trash Boys” and “No, He’s Only My Workout Partner.”

After breakfast and a shower, I went up to grab my lounge chair. Getting a lounge chair near the pool is like the holy grail on the cruise ship. Lots of guys get up early, or stay up late and put towels and stuff on chairs to reserve them. And then they make their grand entrance later in the day. But I managed to grab a decent chair and started my day of tanning. I did go up and ask for a Diet Coke in the largest glass that they had. And they gave me one in a gigantic beer mug. Score! I’m going to bet set for awhile. So I went back to my chair and started reading my book. With no wind, the sun was very strong and I was covered in sweat in no time and I was LOVING IT! Lie on my back. Flip to lie on my stomach. Sip of Diet Coke. Lie on my back. Flip to lie on my stomach. Sip of Diet Coke. Repeat. Again and again and again. I did cool off in the pool once or twice.

After a late lunch, I had the brilliant idea of using my gigantic beer mug for an adult beverage. So I ordered a double margarita and they filled the mug to the brim. With drink in hand, I decided a change of scenery was in order, so I collected my stuff and headed up to the Solstice deck. It’s got these cool lounge chairs and these little cabana type things that I thought would be fun to check out. And when the ship is underway it usually really windy up there, plus that’s where people go to sunbathe au natural. And even on a gay cruise, it’s never the people you want to see naked who are up there. Though the percentage is better than you would think. I did find a lounge chair and proceeded to drink my margarita and get a bit buzzed. Lying in the sun I started to zoned a bit. I had turned my iPod off and I’m casually listening to the conversations around me. Have I mentioned that I love the gays? Gay #1: “Oh, I never wear my steel cock ring when sun bathing naked anymore. I learned that lesson on my first cruise.” Gay #2: “Why is that?” Gay #1: “You fall asleep and the steel gets really hot and you end up burning your balls.” See, you learn something new every day. Of course the question I want to ask is: why are you wearing a cock ring when sunbathing anyways? But I think that’s not really the point.

I escaped from the Solstice Deck and went down to the room to rinse off the sun screen lotion in preparation for my massage. And while the massages at the spa aren’t cheap, they are pretty good. I had a deep tissue massage and it felt great. But the thing I hate is that they ask you to fill out a little form to let them know if you have any problem areas (and I make the mistake of being honest) and then they use that information to try to sell you stuff. Look, you’re harshing my mellow with this hard sell stuff. Yes, I’ve got dry skin. And yes a milk bath probably is a good idea. But I’m not spending $60 on a small bottle when I just forked over some serious kwan for the massage.

It’s a Small World Part I: At the Atlantis Alumni cocktail party, I run into a friend of a friend from DC. Let’s call him Alex. Apparently Alex was doing the roomshare (where Altantis pairs you up with other single people) and his roommate is like Uber Hot. And apparently UberHot decided that they should be roommates with benefits for the cruise. Now Alex is definitely not opposed to that. And after seeing UberHot, I wouldn’t either. Now ready for the “It’s a Small World” part? UberHot is my next door neighbor! He lives in the row home two down from my condo building. I’m sure I’ve seen him before, but I’ve never seen so much of him before.

It’s a Small World Part II: Tonight there are two parties. There’s a regular dance party on the pool deck, but in the Sky lounge there is the 80s dance party. And I love me some 80s music, so I start there. The music is good and there’s something oddly funny/wonderful to hear the whole dance floor sing along to Whitney’s “How Will I Know.” Good times. As I’m dancing, I see this guy and he looks really familiar. And after 5 minutes or discreet staring I’m like, he really looks like the guy who lives in the row home across the street from me. But that’s definitely not his partner he’s dancing with. I must have him confused. And it’s hot in the Sky lounge and the ship is rockin quite a bit, so I decide to head out to the pool deck to cool off and check out the other party. As I walk along the deck overlooking the pool deck, who do I see, but the partner. Playing tonsil hockey with another guy. I guess it is a small world after all.

Well, at this point, I’ve decided to call it quits. So time to sleep. Tomorrow is Casa de Campos in the Dominican Republic.

At Sea

So I woke up at 7 this morning. Sigh. It really is a curse being a morning person. But I figured I might as well hit the gym before it got too packed. And at 730AM, on the very first morning underway, the gym was already hopping! I got my burn in on an elliptical and then I did a set of legs. Mainly because they were the only machines that didn’t have a line waiting for it. Bench Press? Forget about it. Shoulder pulldown? Get in line. And the barbell area? Don’t even think about it. Oh well, maybe next time.

After the gym, it was time to hit the Oceanview café for a little breakfast. The food is good and there certainly is plenty of it. After a quick change, I headed up to the pool deck to grab a chair and begin my very strenuous day of tanning. And while the sun was out, it was VERY windy. Like almost cold windy. But I persevered and found a decent chair in the sun and began the basting process. At some point I sort of drifted off and it felt just so good. When I finally woke up I was like, hmm, time for a cocktail! And at this point it was getting warmer (maybe the wind was dying down?) and so a nice cold frothy drink was just what I needed. And that gave me theopportunity to look at the scenery. And did I mention my body dismorphia issues? Umm, can you figure out why I’ve got issues? Wait, don’t answer that.

After a rough day of tanning, it was time for the Dog Tag Dance. Military (or uniform of some sort) is the attire for the dance. And as you arrive, you get hande

d a dog tag upon which you put a sticker. Green for single and looking to mingle (or more). Yellow for buy me a drink a

nd we’ll see what happens. Red for partnered, but still fun. The dance was just amazing. So much fun and so many hot men. I gotta give props to the Canadians. Theyalways come out in force on these Atlantis trips. But my question is: how do you get that many gay men to wear the same thing and get them to show up at the same time?

I danced until I was hot and sweaty and then went up to get blown away by the wind as I tried to snap a pic of sunset. I think that’s Cuba in the background.


As I head down stairs to change, I discovered the after Dog Tag dance underwear party. I had met some guys waiting in the line to board the ship who had told me about it and invited me. It’s in a suite that’s apparently larger than my condo and they thought there were going to be 200 hundred guys there. While tempting, I decline the offer. Sounds a little bit too

claustrophobic for me.

Shower, costume change, and then off to see the comedy showcase. All of them were really good, but I love Alex Mapa. He’s a riot and not afraid to talk trash about the owner of Atlantis. “F#$k it, I’m on a series (Ugly Betty) so I can say what I want.” A late dinner and then it’s time for the Mardi Gras dance.

Now I only brought costumes for two parties. The dog tag dance (some cammie shorts, I know, so exciting) and the white party (some white football pants). But some people go all out for the Mardi Gras Party. Lots of great costumes. As is usual on these trips, less is more. I.e. less clothing is more hot. And with the wind, ornate or extravagant costumes can become giants sails to catch the wind. I ran into some folks I’ve seen on previous trips that had two foot tall Marie Antoinette hair-dos. And they were holding on to them the whole time.

I think I made it to 1AM that night. Getting better!

Not So Much

So the live blogging isn't working so well. I didn't bring any software to make the pictures smaller and it's taking me forever to upload pics. And I'm getting charged by the minute. So I'm going to wait until I get back to post more about the trip. Sorry. On the plus side, I'll have better pics to include.

L is for . . . . .

Laptop. Yes, I’ve brought my laptop on my cruise. So that means that L is also for . . . .

Loser. Yes, I am a loser. This is the first time I’ve brought my laptop on a cruise, but there’s just a ton of stuff going on at work and we are seriously undermanned, so I just can’t disappear for a week. Sad but true. But, looking on the bright side, L is also for . . . . . .

Live Blogging! Yes, I’ll actually be live blogging the cruise! So instead of a trip report after the cruise, I’ll be able to post while we are actually underway.

So let the live blogging get underway . . . . . . .

So let’s see, I got up at the crack of dawn (doubly harsh due to the time change) to catch the flight down to Fort Lauderdale. I actually did some work on the plane (see the "L is for loser" comment above). I saw some of the other gays and we caught a shuttle to the Celebrity Solstice. There was no line for checking in (amazingly enough), but the ship wasn’t ready yet, so we cooled our heels waiting in the ship terminal. And that’s when I began to take in the scenery that would be joining me on the cruise. Umm, yum!

Got on the ship and went to my stateroom. It was nice, very nice. Actually everything about the ship was very nice. I checked out the topside areas, including the Solstice deck which had little cabanas and resting beds. The solarium. The pool deck. All, just very, very nice. After lunch I continued exploring and found the martini bar so I had to sample a beverage. Deeeelicious! But then it was back up to the pool deck to get a little sun and just veg a bit.

After the emergency life boat, I climbed up to the spa to get my reservations in. I really wanted to get a message when we are in Labadee, but they were already booked up. But I’m still on for a hot stone massage the morning after the White Party. After the spa trip, it was back to the pool deck for another adult refreshment and I sort of wandered around for a bit. Seeing all of the perfect bodies, my body dismorphia issues are running rampant. Must go to the gym NOW, NOW, NOW!! Oh, and the gym is really nice and I’ll probably go tomorrow. Anyways, I think I’m squarely in the middle of the hotness bell curve. Atleast I like to think I’m squarely in the middle.

After drowning my emotions with alcohol (okay, I had 2 drinks, big deal), I grabbed a bit to eat and headed down to see Kimberly Locke perform. She’s a former American Idol contestant and I’ve got a couple of her songs (the dance remixes atleast) and so I was looking forward to the show. OMG! She was totally amazing. What a great voice and a great performance! And she sang some of the songs I have, in their original, slow, non-dance remix, version, and she just killed! And she’s funny to boot. I guess she did an Atlantis cruise last year and she’s like, “Look, I don’t ever want to see another vodka drink, or another hot guy in a speedo walk by who I’m never going to sleep with!” Just too funny.

Here's one of the songs she sang:

So a good day, with a slight exception which brings me back to the letter L.

L is for Lawyer X. I miss him and wish he was here. I’ll still manage to have fun without him, but . . .

More tomorrow!

Copenhagen-Warnemunde-At Sea

So I land in Copenhagen a little after noon and head immediately to the ship. Check in is the usual organized chaos. The good thing is that it is frakkin hot in the check in area. Yes the weather has changed and it is sunny and gorgeous. What a great change! So while I’m waiting for my turn to be processed, I check out my fellow shipmates. I do see some people I know who were coming on the trip. The average age is a little bit higher than average for the usual Atlantis cruise. I’m thinking it was more upper 30s-low 40s. Let’s be honest, the cruise isn’t cheap, plus airfare to Europe, so it’s not going to draw the twink crowd. Which is fine by me. Plus it only makes me feel younger!

I check in, get to the room to find my luggage already there and to find a note from Atlantis about the rules of engagement when doing a share. So yes, I was doing the share program and I knew the name of the guy sharing the room with me, but that was it. Anyways the letter recommends spending some time to get to know each other before deciding on how to split up the room, who gets what bed, etc. So I just pulled my luggage into the room and decided to roam for a bit until my roomie showed up. Now this is actually the same ship that I did my first Atlantis cruise on. So I basically knew the floor plan. Anyways I headed up to get some lunch and then to just wander. So it’s hard to explain just how relaxing it is on board the ship. It really does remind me of bring in Ptown. Where everyone is relaxed, in a good mood, happy to be on vacation. So there’s very little attitude. Which is great.

I hook up with the couple I met on my first cruise and have my first cocktail with them. Then it’s back down to the room where I find my roomie. So in it’s a small world after all, my roomie is from Tulsa and friends with the guy I did a share with during the med cruise last year. Just too funny. So we had a good time as we chatted, unpacked and prepared ourselves for the cruise. After the mandatory boat drill (does this big orange life vest make my butt look big? Bigger?), it was time for the ship to set sail to Warnemunde Germany. So we did the sailaway happy hour and toasted our cruise as we left Copenhagen! That night we had our first dance at night club on the ship called “The Bar At the Edge of the Earth.” Let me tell you, it became a running joke on how badly you could make fun of that name. But DJ Abel kicked of the entertainment with some great vocals and I finally got a chance to get my groove on.

The next AM, I think over half of the ship boarded trains to take a 2 hour ride to Berlin. Not me. Today was my personal day. While we did have one day at sea, I was afraid that it was going to be cold, so while we were in port, I just wanted to camp out by the pool, read my book, and have someone bring me my cool frozen drinks. And let me tell you, it was just the most perfect day. Warm, almost hot in the sun. There were enough guys left on the ship to make the scenery interesting. And I felt like it was the first time I really got to decompress while on vacation. Part of me felt guilty about not getting off the ship at all. Warnemunde looked like a cute little German town. Apparently it was where the big whig members of the East Germany communist party would go to vacation. So it didn’t have that overcommercialized feel. Or atleast it didn’t seem that way to me. They brought an Oompah band onto the ship to play on the pool deck which isn’t exactly music to relax too, but they did serve some great bratwurst and pretzels for lunch that day. So I did get a taste of Germany.

After a very strenuous day of tanning, I figured it was time for a disco nap, then the singles dinner, and then time for entertainment. Well the Berlin crowd didn’t get back till late and they said that they all had a great time. But I’m sorry, 4 hours in a train is kind of hard core for me. I’ll get there (again) some day, not on this trip. So the theme party for the night was the Kit Kat Club to kind of play off the night club scene in the Weimar Republic days. Now in addition to the fact that I had the whole weight issue with my luggage. What exactly were they wearing in the Weimar Republic days. I keep thinking about Cabaret and I think of black skimpy outfits (not for me thanks) and black uniforms. Well some people live for the theme nights and there were some good costumes. Since we were at sea for the evening parties and the weather was a bit too windy/cold to have the dances on the pool deck, all of the dances were inside at the Bar at the Top of the Hill Overlooking the Ocean. Which was fine, but my attempts to take pictures were hindered by the fog machines that diffused the flash and washed out the pics. But I tried. DJ Warren Gluck spun that night and it was great. Plus I could stay up late because we were at sea the next day.

Now I love sea days. There’s no rushing to get breakfast before your excursions. There’s no rushing at all. Get up when you want. Do you own thing. Just kick back. And despite my fears, the weather was again amazing and even with the ship underway it was quite pleasant laying out on the pool deck. Now I did go to the gym first, but then it was back to my lounge chair Olympics. And I was burning through some of the books that I had brought. And every once in awhile I would take a little stroll around the pool deck and the solarium to check out the scenery. It was really quite nice.

And you’ve got to give it to Atlantis for their entertainment. It rocks. After a good 4-5 hours of laying out, I headed down to Dixie Longate’s Bingo Extravaganza. Bingo you’re thinking? Yeah, not so much. But I love Dixie. She’s just hilarious and it was worth it to listen to “Oh-69” to hear her vicious and amusing quips. One of my favorite lines, “I’ll beat the bleach off your teeth.” Just too funny. She rocks! And she’s apparently going on a national tour so I definitely want to get a group together for when she comes to DC.

After Dixie it was time for the traditional Dog Tag Dance. Now, this is always one of the best dances on the ship. Lots of opportunity to flirt and to check out who’s single, who’s partners, and which partners are willing to play. So lots of fun and finally some good pics of the hot guys on the ship.

That night, it was the Atlantis Comedy Showcase with Jim David, Shann Carr, and Alec Mapa. Now Jim and Shann are regulars on the Atlantis cruises and are just hilarious. Both had great new material. Apparently Shann got asked if she was from “that ship” in Warnemunde. So apparently the local folk do know we are coming. But Alec Mapa was the hit of the evening. Just too funny and I loved some of his jokes, but they are definitely NSFW. He did make the comment that he was originally afraid to come on a gay cruise. That it would be this floating orgy and that he’d be stuck in a hot tub with some cracked out porn star who was deep in a K-hole. It was just too funny. After that, I caught the tail end of the dating game starring some guy from DC. Who apparently confirmed to the whole ship that he’s basically a slut. Hey, truth in advertising I guess. I'm sure he won't be lonely.

And then finally it was time for the Conquest party at the Bar Around the Corner On Top of the Island in the Middle of the Ocean. So you were supposed to dress up as Vikings, Cossacks, kings, or serfs or just whatever you wanted to wear. So seriously, what does a Cossack wear? I’m just not that gay. I wore shorts and a tank top. I figured that was good enough. DJ Abel again who killed. I think I made it to 2AM before crashing. I had a relatively early tour in Tallinn the next day.