Labadee, Haiti

So I love that the first time I came to Labadee that they didn’t call it Haiti. Either is was just Labadee, or it was Labadee Hispaniola (which is the name for the whole island). I guess it’s now okay to say Haiti again. But I decided against going ashore in Labadee. It’s a perfectly nice island, but since I wasn’t going to get a massage there, that meant that all I’m going to do is lay on the beach and tan. And I can do that from the ship.

Before the long day of tanning though, I needed to hit the gym. So it’s like 8AM and I’m heading to the gym. And there are people in the hot tub already. Scratch that. In the hot tub still. From last night! Wow, talk about party people. I’m too old for that. Anyways, I make my way to the gym and could it be more packed? I did manage to get 30 minutes of cardio in and a little bit of weights. It was hard to focus with all of the gym gods surrounding me. The gym gods attires always kill me. Some are in the high tech athletic gear with breathable mesh, and some are in the kind of urban, street attire. But I do love the T-Shirts: “I Like White Trash Boys” and “No, He’s Only My Workout Partner.”

After breakfast and a shower, I went up to grab my lounge chair. Getting a lounge chair near the pool is like the holy grail on the cruise ship. Lots of guys get up early, or stay up late and put towels and stuff on chairs to reserve them. And then they make their grand entrance later in the day. But I managed to grab a decent chair and started my day of tanning. I did go up and ask for a Diet Coke in the largest glass that they had. And they gave me one in a gigantic beer mug. Score! I’m going to bet set for awhile. So I went back to my chair and started reading my book. With no wind, the sun was very strong and I was covered in sweat in no time and I was LOVING IT! Lie on my back. Flip to lie on my stomach. Sip of Diet Coke. Lie on my back. Flip to lie on my stomach. Sip of Diet Coke. Repeat. Again and again and again. I did cool off in the pool once or twice.

After a late lunch, I had the brilliant idea of using my gigantic beer mug for an adult beverage. So I ordered a double margarita and they filled the mug to the brim. With drink in hand, I decided a change of scenery was in order, so I collected my stuff and headed up to the Solstice deck. It’s got these cool lounge chairs and these little cabana type things that I thought would be fun to check out. And when the ship is underway it usually really windy up there, plus that’s where people go to sunbathe au natural. And even on a gay cruise, it’s never the people you want to see naked who are up there. Though the percentage is better than you would think. I did find a lounge chair and proceeded to drink my margarita and get a bit buzzed. Lying in the sun I started to zoned a bit. I had turned my iPod off and I’m casually listening to the conversations around me. Have I mentioned that I love the gays? Gay #1: “Oh, I never wear my steel cock ring when sun bathing naked anymore. I learned that lesson on my first cruise.” Gay #2: “Why is that?” Gay #1: “You fall asleep and the steel gets really hot and you end up burning your balls.” See, you learn something new every day. Of course the question I want to ask is: why are you wearing a cock ring when sunbathing anyways? But I think that’s not really the point.

I escaped from the Solstice Deck and went down to the room to rinse off the sun screen lotion in preparation for my massage. And while the massages at the spa aren’t cheap, they are pretty good. I had a deep tissue massage and it felt great. But the thing I hate is that they ask you to fill out a little form to let them know if you have any problem areas (and I make the mistake of being honest) and then they use that information to try to sell you stuff. Look, you’re harshing my mellow with this hard sell stuff. Yes, I’ve got dry skin. And yes a milk bath probably is a good idea. But I’m not spending $60 on a small bottle when I just forked over some serious kwan for the massage.

It’s a Small World Part I: At the Atlantis Alumni cocktail party, I run into a friend of a friend from DC. Let’s call him Alex. Apparently Alex was doing the roomshare (where Altantis pairs you up with other single people) and his roommate is like Uber Hot. And apparently UberHot decided that they should be roommates with benefits for the cruise. Now Alex is definitely not opposed to that. And after seeing UberHot, I wouldn’t either. Now ready for the “It’s a Small World” part? UberHot is my next door neighbor! He lives in the row home two down from my condo building. I’m sure I’ve seen him before, but I’ve never seen so much of him before.

It’s a Small World Part II: Tonight there are two parties. There’s a regular dance party on the pool deck, but in the Sky lounge there is the 80s dance party. And I love me some 80s music, so I start there. The music is good and there’s something oddly funny/wonderful to hear the whole dance floor sing along to Whitney’s “How Will I Know.” Good times. As I’m dancing, I see this guy and he looks really familiar. And after 5 minutes or discreet staring I’m like, he really looks like the guy who lives in the row home across the street from me. But that’s definitely not his partner he’s dancing with. I must have him confused. And it’s hot in the Sky lounge and the ship is rockin quite a bit, so I decide to head out to the pool deck to cool off and check out the other party. As I walk along the deck overlooking the pool deck, who do I see, but the partner. Playing tonsil hockey with another guy. I guess it is a small world after all.

Well, at this point, I’ve decided to call it quits. So time to sleep. Tomorrow is Casa de Campos in the Dominican Republic.