All About Trey

Life, Travel, Adventure

Grief Tremors

In the weeks and months (and even years) after John died, I would have what I would call grief aftershocks.  Something would happen or I would watch or read something that made me think of John and I would lose it for a little bit.  A quick cry and then I would recover.  I would move on.  That's what living is all about.  

Now I'm experiencing grief tremors.  Like the tremors that you feel before a big earthquake, I'm having these little grief tremors.  With Mom's diagnosis, I know she's dying.  I know that.  But when I go home to see her, she looks fine.  Sure a little skinny and frail.  But she's fine.  And while I think we are all in a little bit of denial about that, sometimes reality breaks through.  We'll have lunch and be talking about something normal and then all of a sudden we're taking about what hymns she wants played at her funeral.  It's all a bit surreal.  

A couple of weeks ago, I got an email that said Pink was releasing a second round of tour dates.  I had missed her in DC and really wanted to go.  She wasn't coming back to DC, but one of the tour dates was in Denver next April and I thought it would be a great gift for my niece, sister, and BNL.  And then I sort of lost it thinking that Mom will probably be gone by then.  And then more depressing thought, will she make it to Christmas?  A little grief tremor, shaking me with sadness and sometimes a few tears, but then it passes and I'm back to normal.

But am I?