And now back to our regularly scheduled . . .
complaining. Hey, I was thankful for a day! That's all it says on the calendar. And yes I'm joking, but . . . . . .
My body is weird. So I looked at the little note that came with my new drugs where they talk about low/no thyroid symptoms and it explains alot. It definitely explains the headaches. Not so much the weird sore throat, but maybe. Plus I've got something weird going on with my hair that even I can't explain. Yes it talks about the fatigue, etc. So it's nice to know I'm not a complete hypochondriac. The thing that's DRIVING ME UP THE WALL right now is my tongue. Yes my tongue. For some reason when I get tired or overly fatigued, it feels like my tongue is swollen. A friend of mine called this AM and after a few minutes she was like, "Have you been drinking?" Don't I wish! No! It's just this weird swollen tongue thing. Which is also causing me to bite my tongue at weird times, like when I want to try to sleep! Like I'll roll over and somehow bite my tongue in the process. Yeah, that'll wake you up in a nice pleasant mood.
Even more weirdness. So I weighed myself. I needed to see what the damage was. I could tell I had gained weight. Clothes were tighter, etc. And I actually feel like I'm walking like a fat person? It's hard to explain. And yes, I'm pushing maximum density. A personal record that I do not care to achieve. Well I thought, let's try to go to the gym and see what I can do. Walking into Dupont Circle just about killed me the other day. But pain in weird places like my shins and calf muscles. Plus my lower back, but I think the back pain is just the extra weight I'm carrying. Anyways, I trudge over to the YMCA and climb up to the second floor, ditch my sweats, and plunk down on a bike. Well, for some reason, the bike doesn't hurt. I do the bike for like 45 minutes, and at a decent level & heartbeat. I was very happy about that. So then I thought, okay, let's try some abs. Well have you ever exercised and could start to feel that little twinge that means a cramp is coming if you keep doing that? Yeah, not so much. I was doing a cross abs exercise and all of a sudden, BAM! I'm in pain. Like OMG my appendix burst pain. Pain so bad that just lying there sucked. So I'm taking deep breathes, trying to make it stop. Realize that in the position I'm in, it's not going to get any better and manage to get myself partially upright and the pain starts to subside a bit. Not good. Well so much for doing abs for awhile. I think I'm going to stick with the bike for a bit.
Now, all things considered, gaining weight, even in the thin/beauty obsessed gay culture, is not a big deal. Not having cancer I think is a bit more important than being fat right now. So I can deal with that. And I have a plan (because you know I always have a plan!) to lose weight. I always want to lose weight before my next vacation (and definitely for my next gay vacation!). So I'm going to use the dating desert to try to do that. And I'm going to give up my company's holiday party ("oh my flight back from San Diego lands at 6PM, I'll be too tired to attend this year"), my birthday (41 isn't a good one to celebrate anyways) and New Year's Eve (which is without fail always very anticlimatic). Which I think is a very good decision, because if I'm this weak now, I need all of the extra help I can get to get back into shape and deal with the continuing side effects of the cancer and the drugs. Oh well, it's the price I'll pay to be thin and fabulous in time to meet Mr. Right on my cruise in March.
My body is weird. So I looked at the little note that came with my new drugs where they talk about low/no thyroid symptoms and it explains alot. It definitely explains the headaches. Not so much the weird sore throat, but maybe. Plus I've got something weird going on with my hair that even I can't explain. Yes it talks about the fatigue, etc. So it's nice to know I'm not a complete hypochondriac. The thing that's DRIVING ME UP THE WALL right now is my tongue. Yes my tongue. For some reason when I get tired or overly fatigued, it feels like my tongue is swollen. A friend of mine called this AM and after a few minutes she was like, "Have you been drinking?" Don't I wish! No! It's just this weird swollen tongue thing. Which is also causing me to bite my tongue at weird times, like when I want to try to sleep! Like I'll roll over and somehow bite my tongue in the process. Yeah, that'll wake you up in a nice pleasant mood.
Even more weirdness. So I weighed myself. I needed to see what the damage was. I could tell I had gained weight. Clothes were tighter, etc. And I actually feel like I'm walking like a fat person? It's hard to explain. And yes, I'm pushing maximum density. A personal record that I do not care to achieve. Well I thought, let's try to go to the gym and see what I can do. Walking into Dupont Circle just about killed me the other day. But pain in weird places like my shins and calf muscles. Plus my lower back, but I think the back pain is just the extra weight I'm carrying. Anyways, I trudge over to the YMCA and climb up to the second floor, ditch my sweats, and plunk down on a bike. Well, for some reason, the bike doesn't hurt. I do the bike for like 45 minutes, and at a decent level & heartbeat. I was very happy about that. So then I thought, okay, let's try some abs. Well have you ever exercised and could start to feel that little twinge that means a cramp is coming if you keep doing that? Yeah, not so much. I was doing a cross abs exercise and all of a sudden, BAM! I'm in pain. Like OMG my appendix burst pain. Pain so bad that just lying there sucked. So I'm taking deep breathes, trying to make it stop. Realize that in the position I'm in, it's not going to get any better and manage to get myself partially upright and the pain starts to subside a bit. Not good. Well so much for doing abs for awhile. I think I'm going to stick with the bike for a bit.
Now, all things considered, gaining weight, even in the thin/beauty obsessed gay culture, is not a big deal. Not having cancer I think is a bit more important than being fat right now. So I can deal with that. And I have a plan (because you know I always have a plan!) to lose weight. I always want to lose weight before my next vacation (and definitely for my next gay vacation!). So I'm going to use the dating desert to try to do that. And I'm going to give up my company's holiday party ("oh my flight back from San Diego lands at 6PM, I'll be too tired to attend this year"), my birthday (41 isn't a good one to celebrate anyways) and New Year's Eve (which is without fail always very anticlimatic). Which I think is a very good decision, because if I'm this weak now, I need all of the extra help I can get to get back into shape and deal with the continuing side effects of the cancer and the drugs. Oh well, it's the price I'll pay to be thin and fabulous in time to meet Mr. Right on my cruise in March.