Cruise Report Part II

On the last cruise I had a bit of an infatuation with one guy. I would see him everywhere and I snapped a lot of photos with him. He has an amazing body which he has no problem showing off. All of it. He was on this cruise as well (here's a pic), but let's be honest, he's not really boy friend material, is he?


My new i-boyfriend.

Sitting next to the porn star is my new i-boyfriend. He’s tall, good build, clean shaven, great smile. Plus he's actually wearing age appropriate clothing. A nice white polo shirt not some too tight A&F t-shirt at dinner. So while I was staring at the porn star, I kept checking out my new i-bf.


I’m calling my new imaginary boyfriend Alex. And he’s just dreamy. He’s definitely someone I could take to the company Christmas party. I can totally see him in a suit and tie climbing the business world. I’m thinking he’s an investment banker or something like that. He works out, but isn’t obsessed with the gym. He’s knowledgeable about the world and is professional, but he comes on the cruise and can dance with his shirt off like a circuit boy.

I’ll be honest and say that I spent the rest of the cruise looking out for him. Technically it’s not stalking since we’re on the same ship and I wasn’t looking *for* him, I was looking *out*for*him. There’s a difference.



Grand Cayman

So we were originally supposed to go to Belize on this cruise. But a month before the trip, Atlantis sent an email letting us know that there were too many ships pulling into Belize City so we were going to Grand Cayman instead. Atlantis assured us that they had been in contact with the government in Grand Cayman and there would be no problems. What problems could they be talking about? Well in 1998, the Grand Cayman government refused permission for a gay cruise to pull into port. They were doing it in response to local political pressure and despite a non-discrimination policy that was adopted in 2001, no gay cruises had returned to Grand Cayman. Until us. The largest gay cruise in history.

We anchored off shore again and took the tender into port. We were waiting in the parking lot when I saw this huge crowd of people standing outside the port terminal in front of the Elmslie Memorial Church Hall. A reporter had made it inside the terminal and was asking us what we thought of the protesters and Grand Cayman. The best answer: “Well we just got here and we just want to enjoy this beautiful island. Ask us again at the end of the day and we’ll tell you what we think.”

But it didn’t take until the end of the day to get a feel for the protesters. We pulled out of the port terminal area in old school buses and there was a couple in the front seat. One guy was putting lotion on the other guy’s back and when the crowd saw this, they proceeded to yell and chant. Nice.

The excursion on Grand Cayman was nice. We took a boat out to the reef to snorkel a bit and then we went to Sting Ray city where you could swim/wade with the string rays. If you had seen the guys on my boat, you would think that they were straight. Most of them were in good shape and most of the nelly types don’t do excursions like this. But when they hit the water and the sting rays would rub up next to them, these big burly men began to scream like little girls. Kind of sad really. I thought petting the sting rays was cool, but you had to be careful you did it the right way or they would sting you.

When we returned to the port terminal, I walked into town to do a bit of shopping. There were just a few protestors left and they just help up little signs quoting Leviticus. Sure, quote Leviticus, but ignore the parts of the bible about slavery, women as property, eating shell fish, usury, etc. Anyways, they didn’t really cause any trouble.

As I returned to the port terminal, one sweet little lady thanked me for visiting Grand Cayman and wanted to let me know that she appreciated us coming to her island. It was a nice way to end our experience on Grand Cayman.

Gay Comedy

Atlantis does a great job of bringing some really funny gay and lesbian comedians on board the ship for us. The second night, they had this comedy showcase where these four comedians do a short set as kind of a sampler for their shows later in the week. All of them were very funny, except for one. This one guy had a very dry delivery voice and he just had the wrong material for the cruise. He started talking about BrokeBack Mountain and then bareback sex. He made a really bad joke and you could have heard a pin drop in the theatre. He drops that and moves on to circuit parties and that doesn’t win him a lot of laughs either. And at this point he realizes that he’s just bombing and decides to hang it up and leave. It was aweful. I felt so bad for him. Circuit parties are a great target for jokes, but they need to be in a funny “ha-ha”, not funny “sort of judgemental” kind of way. Atleast not to this crowd. These cruises are about getting away and relaxing and having a good time and basically escaping. Don’t ruin it by bring up reality.

Another comedian did this routine called: “You Might Be A Middle Aged Gay Man If” type thing. It was hilarious! If it takes you a week to decide on whether to spend $5K on a new living room set or liposuction, you might be a middle aged gay man. If you need your reading glasses to watch porn, you might be a middle aged gay man.

We also had Margaret Cho on board. Her opening act was the guy who bombed and I was concerned that Margaret’s routine would be too political and it wouldn’t work out. But she managed to do some light and heavy stuff at the same time. I loved the joke about how she had accidentally activated the “Al-Gay-da” sleeper cell when she had made some politically comments last year. She joked that the “Al-Gay-da” training camp had it’s own Pilates class. She was definitely very good.

Dancing & Dancing & Dancing

Atlantis does a great job of pulling in some well known DJs to host the different dance parties. There was the dog tag dance party, the Mardi Gras Party, the 90s Diva Party, and the tropical Heat party. All of them were outstanding. The music was really good on this trip. I know because I could here it in our stateroom. We were on the deck below the pool deck where most of the dances were held and I’m fairly certain we were right underneath the speakers. Even with ear plugs I could still hear/feel the beat reverberating in our stateroom.

But who needs to sleep when there’s dancing to be done. Each of the parties has a theme and a lot of people wear costumes, some simple, and some ridiculously ornate. But all so much fun and usually pretty sexy. Here are some of the pics from some of the hotties who would dance the night away.