Found While Blog Surfing

"Love Is Overdue

It never quite seems to work out the way you wanted. But you know the drill: fall back to move forward. Catch you step. Avoid the cracks. Today is the only day you have anyhow. And all that love you've ever wanted? It's overdue."

Thanks m00nchild.

It's not you, it's me.

Really. It should be fun. A large crowd of gay men, in various shapes and sizes, some good music, a little liquor to get the party started. It has all of the makings of a good time.

But it started off all wrong and went downhill from there. I purposely waited until about 11PM to head over to Blow Off. I'm always early, and I hate that. But then I arrive only to find out that there was a concert that night and the doors opened at 1130. So I made my way downstairs to the back bar, got a beer, and then instead of trying to talk to anyone, I read blogs on my cell phone. Yes, I'm pathetic. But we knew that, right?

After 15 or so minutes, they open the upstairs and I walk into the main room and Bob has clips of "The Birds" showing to the music which was actually kind of cool. I had caught a bit of it earlier when I was channel surfing, so it just kind of cool. The music as good, but now the main room seems empty. As the crowd makes it's way in, I stand at the back, leaning against a wall checking out the people. It really is an interesting mix of guys. Clean cut military types, the facial hair crowd (who may or may not be bears), the twinks, and even a trio of lesbians who started dirty dancing almost immediately. And then there's me.

I wander a bit, watching people. I see someone I know. I go over and say hello. But they are with someone else and I don't want to intrude. I see the usual homo blogeratti. I get a second beer. The music is good. The crowd is shifting, not quite dancing, but now it's crowded. And I'm feeling particularly alone. I fall into this weird headspace where I question why I'm here. What's my goal. Is it to dance? Then I need to stay longer. But what's the point? If I do end up dancing, it will be by myself. I won't meet anyone. The music is good, but I don't know much of it. And then the DC equivalent of the Chelsea crowd starts to take their shirts off. Ugh. I did NOT need that. If it had been a group of bears, then I could have handled it, but that much perfection is just annoying.

And I start to edge my way to the door. People are streaming in from outside and the main room is going from crowded to packed. And it's not that I'm claustrophobic, but at some point it becomes a bit overwhelming. I lean against the door fighting the urge to flee, arguing with myself that I don't get out much. That I need to make more of an effort. But as more and more guys go by, I start to feel . . . . I don't know. Like I shouldn't be there. And so I retreat.

But to add to my many mistakes, I go to a late night diner near my house and get something to eat at like 1 in the morning. Nothing like eating your emotions. And why am I fat again?

Really, it's not you, it's me.

Cheese Slices and Green Beans

I've got House of Ruth duty tomorrow and I needed to run to the Soviet Safeway to get my items. Cheese slices and green beans. I get four boxes of cheese with 72 slices each. And then three gigantic cans of green beans. The guy in front of me in line was definitely intrigued at my purchase. But the real problem was getting it home. I don't have a granny cart, just my two hands, and they were heavy. Thankfully I could drop the green beans off at church and I'll just take the cheese back tomorrow. After the 9AM service, we'll head over to the shelter in NE and help them cook. It's light weight volunteering, once a month, a couple of hours, and I like to think it makes a difference.

Ever since I got back from Colorado, I've been running around with my head cut off. Just busy at work. Too much to do. The problem is that when I get sucked into these work cycles, everything else just falls by the wayside. Gym. Good eating habits. Any pathetic pretense of a social life. Yes, I did escape the house twice this week.

First I went to dinner up on Capital Hill. My church does these group dinner type things so this was the first one. I was supposed to bring dessert and I had thought about making something over the top like "Death By Chocolate" (have I mentioned the diet is out the window?). Then I thought, nope, no time. Let's just make some brownies. Maybe throw in some crushed up Heath toffee bars. But I did something wrong. Yes, I f&cked up a box mix of brownies. I will never be Top Chef! Where's Dale when I need him. Need, want, whatever. Anyways, after dumping the mutant brownies into the trash, I headed to Whole Foods to get a Carrot Cake to take. The evening was interesting. I don't do the social/coffee hour thing after church, so I don't really know anyone at church, so it was good to get to know some of the people. Needless to say everyone there was gay, and while we didn't talk about church that much (we actually had a very embarrassing conversation about what's on our Tivo's season pass list!), it was interesting to hear about why people come to St. Thomas'. One of the guys was a former Mormon. And he still believed in a the Book of Mormon. Not sure how I would square the two mentally and spiritually, but whatever.

So that was Wednesday night. Thursday afternoon at work I had one of those days. Just completely overwhelmed and I started to shut down. So I ran home and just sort of laid on my bed waiting for my mind to slow down a bit. By the time I felt a little bit better, I realized that I needed to get out of the house. So I went to see a couple of the Reel Affirmations movies. And while were good (well some of the shorts weren't). They weren't very up. Look, I don't need any more depression in my life. There were a couple of that talked about growing old, as single gay men. Yeah, not so uplifting.

Friday I came home almost in a good mood. The guy I interviewed was actually pretty good and might be able to help take some of the load off me. I got a call from a Navy friend of mine and I went to meet her at Vidalia's which does a wine tasting every night from 5:30-6:30PM. So we partook of that with another friend. She's got a reservist Navy friend who's single and lives in Dupont that she wants to me to meet. But he was a no show. After a flight of white wine at Vidalias and some pretty expensive cheese, we wandered the West End looking for a place for dinner. And that was a quest. Any place decent was booked till after 930. Well it was a Friday night. We ended up at the bar at FireFly and munched on apps while the rain came down.

If I can find the energy, I want to try to Blow Off tonight. But we'll see. I'm yawning already. Though I think I do have an emergency spare can of Red Bull in the fridge. So we'll see.

Odd Socks, Missing Jocks, and Snowy Baseball?

Mom offered to do some laundry for me, and since she offered, who was I to say no? So I gave her my dirty clothes and she cranked up the washing machine. Well this morning we got to play, "yours or Dads"? This is the game where we go through the laundry to determine what's mine and what's Dad's. Now on some things it's obvious. For example, the Hane's underswear? Dad. The 2Xist underwear? Mine. But with things like socks, it's a little bit harder.

Mom, picking up a pair of socks, said, "Oh these are your Dads. I know them by now." And she proceed to tell me about how this pair of socks got separate by fate, and how Dad wouldn't give up on the missing sock. He hung the remaining sock on his door in the hope that the prodigal sock would return. And return it did. About six months later, as Mom pulled out the flannel sheets for Dad's bed, she found, clingy tightly to the flannel sheet, the missing sock. And there was much rejoicing in the house.

Now, things don't always go so smoothly. In my family, there's the infamous story of the missing jock. I thankfully wasn't there, but a couple of years ago my sister and brother-in-law (BNL) were living with my parents while they were house hunting. Well apparently during one of the times my Mom was washing the clothes, one of my Dad's jocks went missing. And then it turned into a blame game. Who had stolen the jock. This was pre-CSI days, so there was no formal investigation, but there are some suspects. Now mind you, I have no idea why someone would want to steal the jock, but I think that's irrelevant. Now whenever something is missing around those house, we always say that's it's with the missing jock.

Anyways, my family isn't normal.

Now it's not like I read the Washington Post every day at home, mainly because I get most of my news from the internet, but atleast there is news in the Washington Post. Here in Colorado Springs, I'm subjected to the Gazette, which is pretty pathetic. Mainly a combination of the police blotter and recycled news from the major papers, the Gazette doesn't take too long to read. But with the Colorado Rockies playing in the NLCS there were several articles about them. And what kills me is that I read atleast FOUR articles that talked about the possibility of the Rockies playing in snow. The temp dropped 30 degrees last night and right now you can't see Pike's Peak because of the snow falling up at the higher altitudes. So it's quite possible that they may end up playing in the snow, but is this such a big story that it has to be be mentioned
in four different stories?

Home for the Weekend

I left beautiful sunny, warm, San Diego and flew to Colorado Springs last night. The flight was uneventful and I managed to get quite a bit of work done at the airport so that was good.

The rentals are fine. Still talking over and past each other, but I try my best to listen to all of the conversations.

Other than cleaning up Mom's PC and showing Dad how to send his digital pictures to Mom, I've got limited PC duty on this trip. So not too bad.

We're going to church tomorrow. All of us. And I'll be wearing my little Episcopal pin. We'll see if that leads to any interesting conversations.

It's just kind of slow and quiet here. Which is nice for a change. I'm sure I'll ramp back up to warp 9 once I get back to DC.

Bush, Carter, Gore, Hillary, and Obama

Does anyone really believe W when he says that we don't torture?

It's nice to see Jimmy Carter (still much reviled despite all of the good work he's done since he left office) come out and say what so many people are thinking. That yes, the US is torturing people and all the new definitions and parsing of statements doesn't hide that fact.

Congrats to Al Gore on winning the Nobel Peace Prize. I hope all of the climate change deniers choke on their pretzels!

Hillary. What do you do with a problem like Hillary? Look, she's a cold, passionless, calculated, politician, and I mean in that in the not good way. Sure she's capable and would probably make a good President and I'll probably end up voting for her if she gets the nomination, but I don't like her, I don't trust her, and I think her presidency will continue to divide and polarize the country.

And that's why I like Obama. Yes he's a bit inexeperienced, but I think he's a real person, with real faults, and he's more of a public servant, than a politician. I like to think that he can draw the best out of people, to take them above their partisan positions, and try to move America forward. Be the Uniter that W never was. I can dream can't I?

Coke-d Out

I'm back in beautiful sunny San Diego. I really do love it here. What I don't love, are some of the marathon meetings that I'm in. And of course if you're a coffee addict, you're all set. But if you don't like your caffeine hot, then you are out of luck. So I wandered over to the little deli/cafe and got a Coke for breakfast. Yes, I know, the breakfast of champions. Bite me! I'm still jet lagged, didn't sleep well, and I need the oh so yummy combination of sugar and caffeine to make it through the meeting madness. Actually, I ended up having two, but the second was a caffeine free Diet Coke (which tasted like crap!). At lunch we drove over to Subway and I ordered a drink and realized that I didn't want any more soda. I was Coke-d out. So sad really. I "recovered", so to speak, later in the afternoon and had another crappy caffeine free Diet Coke. But now I feel really sluggish.

Oh, so I finally run into a classmate of mine (I say finally because at these meetings I keep thinking I'm going to run into someone I know) and you know I'm not being vain, but I totally look better than him. Sure he's thinner, but he definitely looks older than I do. A little worse for wear if you know what I mean. ;-)

Busy Week!

So it's actually been a pretty busy week for me. Too busy actually. I had a couple of moments where I just started to feel overwhelmed. Mainly work related, but there were some other things going on as well.

Wednesday night I want to hear Bishop Chane speak at St. Patrick's. I was late because apparently the German Embassy was also hosting a HUGE reunification anniversary party and the traffic was hellish. I ended up parking illegally but at that point I was so frustrated I didn't care. Bishop Chane spoke of what happened at the House of Bishops meeting in New Orleans. I'm still a bit worked up over that, but wanted to hear more about it. I like Bishop Chane. I think he's a good guy and I appreciate all of the hard work he's done. But I didn't necessarily like what he said that night. He said the House of Bishops just "isn't there yet" when it comes to electing/consenting GLBT Bishops or same sex blessings. And that the Anglican Community just "isn't there yet" as well when it comes to these issues. And so I had to ask, "What can we do to get the HoB there? The Anglican Community there? He didn't give me a real exact asnwer, but mainly his point is that we've got to continue to bear witness in the church and continue to do the right thing. There must have been over 40 people at the meeting and I'd say half were clergy of some sort. And I was pleasantly surprised to see the diversity of the clergy who where there. Lots of women, african americans, and obviously some GLBT in attendance. It's one of the many reasons why I do like my church.

Anyways, as I've been surfing the Anglican blogosphere I found this. It's long, and odd in places, but it really touched me. I had to close the door to my office and cry a bit when I read it. Not exactly sure why it effected me so. But I think I'm going to help build a school. It just feels like the right thing to do. I've been wanting to DO SOMETHING for awhile and I think this is it.

Swimming etiquette. So I did manage to swim twice this week. And I've got a couple of small complaints. First, I don't approve of the use of fins in the lap lanes. I will make some exceptions for seniors, or people who are injured, or something like that, but if you are healthy and in good shape, just grab a frakkin kick board and kick like everyone else. You really mess up the rhythm of the lane. Second, don't jump into a lane that already has 4 people in it if the lane next to it only has 2? I'm not sure why someone would want to purposely overcrowd a lane. But they do. Third, and yes this is kind of petty, but when you are resting at the end of a lane, try to stand either to the left or the right. Not in the MIDDLE! Anyways, yesterday I did 6x250 free with 50 breast in between. So I'm getting there.

Does anyone even believe W anymore on his "we don't torture" crap? I guess you can tell how I feel. And to contrast the awful stories exposed by the NYTimes to this article in the Washington Post about WWII interrogators. Talk about sad. Yep, it's amazing how in just a short time the W administation has tarnished America and everything she stands for. Why can't we impeach him?

Life Goes On . . .

Anyways, I'm trying to get back into a normal schedule for my life. I still couldn't drag my big fat butt out of bed this AM to go to the gym, so I paid my penance this afternoon. Bike for 30 minutes (while reading Harry Potter #3) and then lifting (biceps and back).

And I'm *trying* to do the five meals a day thing. 8AM: Oatmeal. 1030ish: Broccoli with cheese. 1PM: Lean Cuisine. 4:30ish: Nectarine. 7PM: Salad with cheese and meat. And I'm enjoying a Fresca for dessert. My goal is to try to do that all week. We'll see if I can make it.

So I interviewed one of the Borg today. Nice enough guy, but not the right fit for the position I have open. But what kills me is just the lack of interview skills he had. He gave very short answers. He acted like he didn't even want to be there. And when I asked him if he had any questions (since I was frustrated trying to get info out of him), he pretty much said no.

That is not the right answer. If someone isn't obviously trying to get you out of their office and asks you if you have any questions, here are some starter questions. Please feel free to use them:
- How long have you been at (insert company name). (speaks to longevity, career progression, company stability, etc)
- What do you like best about working at (insert company name). (give insight into future boss or co-worker, also says something about the company)
- What do you like worst about working at (insert company name). (this is even more important: will the interviewer be honest, or actually talk about the downsides of the company?)

And then use the answers to those questions to try to sell yourself. "Oh, you've been here for 7 years? That's great, I'm really looking for a company where I can dig in and really invest my time and energy in making it a success in the long run."

This really isn't that difficult, but it's really surprising how many bad interviews I've had.

Tomorrow night is the First Tuesday Happy Hour at Nellies, so I hope to make that. I'll have to adjust my work out schedule. And NO alcohol. But I'll be there. And then Wednesday I'm going to hear Bishop Chane speak about the HoB meeting in New Orleans. Should be interesting.

Oh and I must quote Sean: "turning one’s faith into a conquest meme is gaudy at best and at their worst the exact opposite of what I feel Christianity should be." What a great line. And I whole heartedly concur.

Health Care and Statues

A little random today, but bare with me.

So I went to the YMCA this AM. 30 minutes on the elliptical and then 2x500 free. I would have swam longer but I had to get back to change for church.

But while I was on the elliptical I watched one of those Sunday pundit shows and I got disgusted all over again with the Bush administration. Bush has already declared that he's going to veto the SCHIP bill which provides needed health care to millions of kids who aren't currently insured. The problem with the bill, or so some claim, is that some parents may be able to get rid of their private insurance and have Uncle Sam foot the bill. Okay, so of the $7Billion or so it will cost, some people will try to scam the system. But don't go all fiscally conservative on me when you are asking for $190Billion for the war in Iraq? We can pay for an unnecessary war, giving millions in profits to Halliburton and Blackwater, and lossing billions of dollars in the process, but we can't pay to give health care to millions of uninsured kids because some people might take advantage of the plan? Are you kidding me?

Went for a long walk this afternoon. It was a clear crisp fall afternoon and I wanted to go down to the Mall to take some photos. Well as I walked by Hotel Rouge I realized something was missing. One of the statues of Venus that are outside of Hotel Rouge was missing. Now I have no idea why you would steal a statue, how you would steal a statue (cause I'm assuming it's heavy), or what you would do with the statue once you had it. But I'm just kind of logical that way. Here's a pic of some of the statues during the snow storm we had in Feb.

Anyways, I continued my power walk down to the Mall, through the WWII memorial, down along the reflecting pool (which by the way, can the park people sweep the duck crap back into the pool? It really is disgusting), and around the Lincoln Memorial. I wanted to get a couple of pics of the big bronze statues at the end of Memorial Bridge. With the sun setting, I thought it would make the bronze just shine. The problem is that some clouds came up in the west as the sun was setting, so it wasn't as bright as I would like. But still some good pics. And yes, me likey some muscles.

YMCA, HOB, & Comments

It's acronym soup today!

So I went to the YMCA this evening. I went swimming on Saturday and Sunday, but I need to do more than just weekend swimming, so instead of lifting I came home and headed over to the Y. First I did my 30 minutes on the elliptical and then I hit the pool. 100 Breast, 500 Free, 100 Breast, 500 Free, 100 Breast, 500 Free, and 100 Breast. So technically that's over a mile. And I could barely haul my big fat body out of the pool my arms were so dead. But it was a good swim. I swam in the fast lane and did pretty well. I think if I swim during the week I need to get out of there by 7PM. I think the Masters group comes in then and they are pretty insane. Some guy clipped me (and I was in my own lane) and he was wearing the hand paddles. So my hand stung pretty hard. And did he say, "Sorry" or "Excuse me"? No, he glared and me and then kept swimming. Loser. Well, loser with a six pack abs. Hated him anyways.

So after their meeting in New Orleans with the Archbishop of Canterbury, the House of Bishops finally released their letter. The letter's okay. I was prepared to be disappointed, but I wasn't. I'm not too terribly thrilled by it either. I understand the full inclusion of GLBT folks in the church is going to take time, but it's hard not to want it now. If you see something that is just intrinsically wrong, how do you explain trying to delay correcting it? The good news is that regardless of this fiasco, and the whole drama around The Episcopal Church, I'm going to church every Sunday. It feels good to me. My church is very welcoming and inclusive. And I feel like a real member there. I'm not going to go all "Jesus-land" & evangelical here, but being Christian isn't a bad thing. We aren't all like Pat Robertson, Bill Donohue, or James Dobson.

Comments. So I do love the blogosphere. And it's not just the interesting, fun, or challenging blogs, it's the comments as well that I love. I've learned a whole lot about how the Episcopal Church and the Anglican Community work. I've learned depressingly too much about how the US government tortures people. I've read funny, sexy, depressing, and introspective things and thoughts from people in NYC to Australia. While I like to think I do a pretty good job of turning a phrase, it's a little intimidating to read some people's blogs or comments that are just whip smart or sarcastic or just downright funny. The bad thing about comments is when you go to certain sites, the hard core republican sites, the orthodox anglican sites, etc. The vitriol being spit out by some of these people is just horrendous. Sometimes I feel like I need to take a shower after reading some of their comments. I want to try to understand their position, their feelings, but I'm just so depressed at the level of hatred and disdain for those people who don't agree with them. I wonder if it's even possible to have a civil discourse anymore.

New Car

It's time for a new car. My little trip to the shop today set me back a cool G. And that's not really that cool if you know what I mean. It's been a bad year for me car wise. The maintenance bill is over $3K for this year. And the thing is that yes my car is over 7 years old, but I've got less than 62k miles on it. I just don't drive it that much. So it *really* shouldn't be costing me this much every year. Needless to say, I think it's time that Sven and I got a divorce.

I'm not sure what I'm going to buy. I only know that it's going to have to wait till next year. Maybe March. But then I'll have an idea of when the new condo will *really* be ready. And while my heart cries out for a nice little two seat convertible, I may end up doing something more mature, responsible, and appropriate. BORING!

Still sick as a dog and just tired all of the time. Not sleeping well. And I've got a huge conference next week that I've got to prepare for.

And no I'm not going to the Depeche Mode dance party thing. I'm a loser. I'm going to curl up in bed and watch some Kathy Griffin shows I tivo-ed.

Wow, I'm living now.

Spinning the Subject Wheel!

We've got a lot to talk about tonight so let's get started!

Speaking of Kathy Griffin (who's line I stole above), she ROCKED! Way too funny. She BROUGHT IT! Britany, OJ, the Emmy's, you name it. It was just too funny. Of course having a nice little buzz from the Key West Lemonades helped. And I'm sorry, but the whole bit about Barbara Walters and Astroglide almost made me want to throw up.

{Spinning the subject wheel}

I can't believe everyone is getting so worked up over Hilary's comment about Cheney. "Darth Vader"? That's probably the nicest thing you can say about him. Come on! This is the man who called some journalist a "major league asshole" and told a Senator to "Fuck Off" on the FLOOR OF THE US SENATE! Puh-lease!

{Spinning the subject wheel}

Oh, have you seen this? This is just too funny.



{Spinning the subject wheel}

If you haven't heard about the Mayor of San Diego, check this out. His speech really touched me. He's a republican I'd vote for.

{And one last spin of the subject wheel}

So I'm thinking about going out Friday night. To a straight club. Well, it's the Black Cat, so it's pretty indie/progressive. But they are doing a Depeche Mode dance party. Hello! Strangelove? Just Can't Get Enough? Enjoy the Silence? People are People? I am *SO* there. If I can stay awake long enough. This getting old thing kind of sucks.

Are You Kidding Me?

I just had surgery to remove a cancerous thyroid and I get a frakkin cold? Are you kidding me? Shouldn't I get a "bye" for all seasonal colds for atleast the next two years? Agh this sucks!

Speaking of sucking, poor Britany. Yikes that was painful. But not as painful as that kid. And no I'm not going to link to that attention whore.

So I joined the YMCA. It's actually kind of scary, but I just use it for the pool. I went swimming on Sunday. It's been years since I've done laps and it felt good. Though it did make my neck feel freaky. When I stretch my neck, I can definitely feel my scar. It's weird. Anyways one of my goals is to swim 3 times a week so I can get in shape and then maybe join DC Aquatics after Christmas. Plus I think I'd like to try to do the Bay Bridge Swim. I've got classmates who do it and I'd like to give it a try. Hey, it's something to train for, a goal.

I'm throwing a little "Life On the T List" party tomorrow evening. It should be fun. I think there may be a potential there, but we'll see. I'll be mixing up some killer Key West Lemonades with Absolut Ruby Red. Sooooooooo yummy. So we should have a good buzz before Kathy Griffin's concert. And I am so stoked to see her, between Britany, the Emmy's, and OJ, I have a feeling I may get a cramp from laughing! Should be good.

Speaking of the Emmy's, I saw the bit between Raine Wilson and Kanye West and you know what, I really like Kanye's new song.

Let's get lost tonight,
You can be my black Kate Moss tonight!

Scars

So here was the first pic of the scar. It's with the surgical tape still on it. Please don't mind the weak go-tee I'm trying to grow.



They removed the surgical tape today and discovered that they failed to remove one of the staples. Nice. Anyways, here's a clearer pic.


So . . . . what's the story behind the scar? Thyroid cancer is so boring. So I'm thinking:

1. A psycho ex-boyfriend cracked out on meth went postal and pulled a knife on me.
2. I was practicing my parkour and misjudged a ledge.
3. I was ambushed in Hong Kong by a Chinese assassin as I was trying to leave the country with the top secret plans to break the Chinese government's internet restrictions and open China up to the democratic forces of the global information grid!

So what do you think?

That Tingling Feeling!

So I woke up Saturday AM feeling a bit better. Another decent night of sleep worked wonders for me. But as I started to dig through my work emails, I noticed a strange tingling feeling on my head and hands. It felt kind of trippy and kind of cool. I actually kind of liked it, except for the fact that it's not a good thing.

So apparently when they take the thyroid out, there are little glands call parathyroids in that same area that can become disturbed by the operation. They regulate the calcium level in your body but if they become disturbed, they can go on the blink. And while I was taking a calcium pill as part of the meds I'm on, it wasn't enough. So I call the surgeon on call and was finally told to go back to WHC, to the ER, to have a calcium test done.

So I drive there. And by this time, my whole body is feeling tingly. My experience at the WHC ER room, not so much. Oh, I got into the ER pretty quickly, but I was probably one of the least sick people there, so I didn't get that much attention. They finally did the blood test and my calcium level was dangerously low. So they stuck in an IV in my and pumped me full of calcium. In talking with the attending on duty (senior Dr?), I think there was a mistake about the amount of calcium pills I'm supposed to take. It should be 3 pills, 3 times a day, not 1 pill, 3 times a day. Oops. Well that's what it said on the prescription.

Anyways, the ER room on a Saturday afternoon was really kind of sad and I started to get claustrophobic and really wanted to leave. I feel bad for all of the people there. It just wasn't good. When I was finally release, as I walked through the ER lobby, the DC SWAT team was there. Nice.

I've got a friend from out of town in this weekend so we've been hanging out. Dinner and DVDs since I'm not really up for anything else. But it's all been good.

Anyways, speaking of tingling. This gives me that tingling feeling as well but in a good way. Love Annie. Just luv her!

I'm Making Jello!!

Lime green jello to be specific.

Why you might ask? Because it was actually the best thing I ate at the hospital and it was so good, and so easy to swallow, and since I hadn't had jello in forever I thought I would make some.

The surgery was okay. I remember going into the operating room, moving to the operating table, and then the oxygen mask being put on and then I was somewhere else, after the surgery. I remember talking with SuperLawyer and then being in my hospital room. It's all kind of sketchy now. Apparently it went as planned. They also took some of my lymph-nodes since they were swollen. I'll get the pathology report next week and then we'll have to figure out a game plan based on that.

My neck hurts, as does my throat. And I've got a great scar on my neck, currently hidden by some suture tape. Thank goodness for the percacet.

My overnight in the hospital was not good. I don't sleep well on my back. And the poor gentleman who I shared a room with was not in good shape at all. He had a couple of episodes over the course of the night that required many nurses and doctors. So lots of drama. Which means little sleep. Around 530AM, one of the random doctors came to remove the staples from my neck. I'm bummed because I wanted a photo of that, but oh well.

I can't tell you how happy I was to get home and sleep in my own bed. With the percacet I can actually sleep on my side with just a little bit of pain, so that's nice.

I actually walked down to the Safeway to get the Jello this afternoon, but that I think that was pushing it. I'm still pretty weak and the heat was bad. I didn't feel to good by the time I got back to my place. But it's nice and cool in here and I'm looking forward to jello for dessert tonight!

Tomorrow . . . .

is the big day. SuperLawyer is going to take me to the hospital and wait until the surgery is over. I'll prep him on the phone calls and emails to send once it's over. Then he'll pick me up on Thursday and spend the night on Thursday. I'm assuming that I'll be able to stay home and take care of myself by the weekend.

Not really looking forward to it, but I do want it over. I'm ready to get on with my life.

The Cost of Cancer

So half of my mail these days is bills from the hospital or claim receipts from the insurance company. And I haven't even had the surgery yet or started any of the meds that I'll need to take. But to date, it looks like the cost is almost $3000. Not a lot of money in reality, but then I'm also in pretty good health and so there hasn't been anything too strange to tackle. One of the really great things about my company is our health benefits, so the only thing I've had to pay is my $10 co-pay for each of the visits.

When I was in the Navy I really didn't think about health care. Sure we all joked about Navy medicine and then just sucked it up. It wasn't a bad system. You got a problem? Come in and see a nurse, or a doctor, and they fixed you up and you never saw a bill. When I got out of the Navy I had to negotiate the health care world. It's not the easiest with the different plans, different options, and different costs.

I was watching a video clip of Mitt Romney where he got asked about health care from a waitress in a diner in New Hampshire. She had three children and a $50 co-pay. And some of the kids had chronic health care issues. No I don't think much of my $10 co-pay. That's one less drink at the Ultra-Hip Lounge, no big deal. But $50 bucks is different. Especially when you are talking about a women who's a waitress and has three children. Kind of sad really.

Health Insurance Coverage for Children. Universal Health Care. We talk a lot about these things, the pros, the cons, the costs. It kills me that people bicker about the cost of implementing health care for all Americans while we continue to throw good money after bad into that black hole that is Iraq. We can't pay for health care for America's children, but we can continue to pay for a useless war. That's really sad.

In a Funk

Yep. I'm in one of those moods.

I'm tired. Unhappy. Fat. Lethargic. Yet restless. Feel like I need to do something, anything, but can't figure out what exactly I need/want to do. I haven't been sleeping well. Again. So that doesn't help. Throw in a low grade headache for the last couple of days. And voila! I'm in a funk. If I didn't have to go into work, I would just sit in the dark in my bedroom. I almost did that this AM.

Lots of stuff in the news: Gonazales, Craig, the war, etc. I care. But I can't seem to get engaged.

I'm not sure what my damage is.

Hopefully I'll feel better by this weekend.